once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
