Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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