I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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