I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
