this boner is exhausting
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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