I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
