jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
