THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
