so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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