Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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