What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
