why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
