I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
