Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
