we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
