I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
