Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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