thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
