All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
