It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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