You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
