dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
