Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
