ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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