Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
