O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
