you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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