If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
