I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
