I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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