Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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