4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
