you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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