Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I need to sanitize my soul.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
