Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
