when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
