I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
