Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
