its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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