Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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