just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
