I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
