she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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