If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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