I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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