it hurts more in the daytime
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
