Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Randomize
