I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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