It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
