last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
