New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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