Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
