I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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