Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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