I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize