I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
