We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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