***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
babies were throwing up all over the place
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
