the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
