unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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