I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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