my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
