i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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