You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just want to make out with him forever
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
