Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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