Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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