She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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