She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
