NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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