Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
