Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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